She Did It

It got me thinking, that show I woke up to. It's called 16 and Pregnant. What started out as sleepy nonchalance soon turned into avid interest. This young girl's life. Not in school. Doctor's appointments. Fights with her mother. Baby Showers. Giving birth at 17 years old. A world completely apart from own. But not so different from my moms.

She did it. She became an adult at 16 years old. The at-home studying to graduate high school. The doctor's appointments. The fights with her parents. Being at home alone, anticipating. The birth. My life.

My Mom.. is amazing. Watching this show made me realize how much my Mom sacrificed so that I could have the best life she could give me. I have massive amounts of respect for her. More than I could ever say. I love you.

And We Will..

I will:

Laugh at your jokes

Be proud of you

Always stay faithful

Love you

You will:

Kiss me when you come home from work

Kill spiders

Open tight jars

Reach the shelves I can't

And we will..

Promise to always work it out

Love eachother forever

Still hold hands when we're 92

And live happily ever after

All I ask, is that you love me in spite of all my bad habits, that you still want to be with me even when it's tough, and that you'll always be proud of our life together.. I'll wait

I Love These!

I'm such a sucker for things like this :D

What is you're current obsession?

My current obsession is probably...movies and tv shows. I've been unemployed for the past couple of weeks waiting for my new job to start and so I've been watching a lot of movies. I'm making my way through the seasons of Friends, and my recent movies have included, White Oleander, Vanity Fair, Australia, The Holiday, The Guardian, Princess Bride, Transformers, and PS I Love You to name just a few.

Coffee or Tea?

I'd have to say hot cocoa, but I'm definitely a fan of herbal tea. Peach and Apple Cranberry are my favorite teas.

What's for Dinner?

Hmm..recently dinner has mostly consisted of cereal. But I also eat massive amounts of potatoes.

What was the last thing you bought?

The last thing I bought was a movie actually, I bought Bourne Identity.

What are you listening to right now?

I'm listening to Before It's Too Late by the Goo Goo Dolls. Such a good song.

What is your favorite ice cream flavor?

Probably Ol South Fudge Pie from Umpqua Dairy..

What is your favorite color?

My default favorite color is blue. I have tons of blue things, but I also like red and gold.

What is your favorite piece of clothing in your wardrobe?

At this point, considering that I don't do anything all day, it's probably my room mates sweats. They're hecka comfortable. But when I'm being more productive it's probably..hmm I still don't know.

What is your dream job?

An actress
An amazing artist (painting, scultpting, etc)
An author
A mother

How many times do you press the snooze button before you get up?

I haven't actually set an alarm for close to a month because I don't do anything, ever. But when I do set an alarm it usually depends on late I stayed up. But anywhere from 1 to 4 times. As an average though probably about 2.


I would tag some people.. but I don't actually know anyone who reads my blog who would do this on their blogs. So :)

Transformers 2!!!

okay.. so I just went and saw Transformers 2 and it reaffirmed my love for Shia Labeauf.. I highly recommend it. It's pretty darn intense. One of my new favorite movies.

For Forever..

So pretty much my whole life I've wanted to be an actress. As a young child I would watch movies over and over focusing on one character that I found intriguing and then try and act like them for the rest of the day. As I grew older I used to pretend that just my ever day life was being filmed and I was the lead. So I guess you could say I'm always acting. There is something incredibly intriguing to me about becoming someone else. I don't know if I'm ever going to be an actress. But if I could have one wish granted to me, it would be to perform. I don't just want to be famous, because that's a hard life. But I want to play those characters, all of them.

Another thing that I do, that might be a little bit crazy, but I like to research actors and actresses and see who they really are, behind their celebrity standing. I like to know how they view acting, and how they go about becoming a better actor. So the actor that I've most recently been looking at is Shia Labeauf. I first saw Shia in Even Stevens on the Disney Channel, and I loved his seemingly effortless confident humor. As he's grown I've seen this in all of his movies. He has excellent comedic timing. And to me, he's real. He could be just another guy.

Anyway.. those are my thoughts. I want to act. I want to be somebody else for awhile.

My Dad

At this point my dad is the most important man in my life. I love him more than anything. I can't remember a single time in my life where my dad wasn't there for me when I needed him. He's not only my dad, he's one of the most amazing men I've ever had the chance to know. The circumstances under which I was born put an incredible amount of pressure on my young father, and no one would have been surprised if he had fallen and gone the way most teenage fathers go. But he didn't. My dad worked incredibly hard, and pulled through to be the best dad a girl could ever want.

Reasons why I love my dad:

• He's interested in my life, he really cares about me: My favorite thing is how my dad will call from work just to ask how I'm doing and to tell me he misses me.
• He gives the best hugs: I feel incredibly loved and safe when my dad pulls me into a hug. I never feel too old to cuddle up to my dad.
• He always has good advice: It doesn't seem to matter what my problem is my dad always knows the answer.
• He's proud of me: Even though I'm not exactly where I'd hoped to be at this time in my life, I know my dad is always proud of me. He believes in me, and he never seems to have any doubt about the things I can accomplish.
• He's always there: From spending hours with me and my brother out with our sheep, not to mention an entire day at lamb show, to coming to every single one of my piano recitals my dad is always there. He'd never miss it, no matter what. He's always willing to drop whatever and help with homework or talk.

Basically my dad is the best. It's been said that the first man a girl falls in love with is her dad, and that is definitely true for me. Someday when I grow up, I want to marry a man just like my dad.

Happy Father's Day!!

Week of Bands

I have a lot of new music to share.

Carolina Liar

So the lead singer of this band is from South Carolina. The other band members excluding one are mostly from Sweden. Their music has so much feeling in it. They mean what they say.

My favorites:

I'm Not Over: I absolutely love the lead singers voice. This is also a really catchy tune. I just love it.

Coming to Terms: I feel like this song has so much emotion behind it. They sing about real stuff. And again.. I love his voice.

Check out all their stuff though, cus it's all stinkin good.

Straight from Dublin

The Script

One of my new favorite bands..

It's called The Script.. an irish trio from Dublin.

My two favorite songs:

Breakeven: it always gives me a feeling of liberating melancholy when I hear a song that describes absolutely perfectly how I felt.. this song is perfect. I couldn't have said it better myself.

The Man Who Can't Be Moved: this is such a good song..it's not adorable or cute really.. but those are the only words I can think of to describe this song. It's something else..

Food Fantasies

So.. I have some dreams when it comes to food. Someday I want to be an incredible chef.

I want to open my own gourmet restaurant and serve high quality food to people who appreciate it. To me, there is something magical about an elegantly decorated restaurant filled with nicely dressed people enjoying exceptional food. I want that someday.

I want to open a small local bakery in Italy. With early mornings, watching the sun rise along with my handmade bread. Where the 'regulars' aren't just my customers but my friends.

I want to open a pastry shop. With small bite size pieces of heaven that melt in your mouth and make the world seem like such a better place. The smell of chocolate and frosting and fresh berries lingering long after the taste has disappeared.

How will I ever choose? Will I ever achieve any of my food dreams?

I love it. Food. Happiness.

I realize it's past New Years

So I was sitting in church today.. after sacrament.. after everyone had left the chapel.. and I was reading this month's Ensign. And can I just tell you that those magazines are pretty much little personal revelations all tied up with a pretty little bow and delivered straight to your door.. because as I was reading I realized that each article was an answer to something that I had been praying for, even if I didn't realize that's what I'd been praying for.. does that make sense?

So I decided to make some middle of the year resolutions. To kind of 'turn over a new leaf' and recommit to some things.. and try to develop some new habits. So here it is.. the things I'm going to try and accomplish.. not just for this year but hopefully forever.

• Be cleaner - I need to keep my spaces clean and think.. what if Jesus were to walk into my room right now, would I be embarassed? Or what if I were to see the prophet today, would I be embarassed about how I looked or dressed, or the fact that I haven't showered in a week? I need to be cleaner.




• Filter my thoughts more - I need to focus on thinking positively about myself especially and others. Forward thinking results in forward actions.




• Be more frugal - granted I am already pretty frugal but that's mostly forced frugality because of my lack of income. But I do need to work on taking better care of my things so they last longer, and not making rash decisions when it comes to spending. Gordon B. Hinckley said "Fix it up, wear it out, make it do, or do without" A motto to live by.




• Become more cultured - there are plenty of rough, edgy, 'cool' girls out there that I don't really need to try to be one. I do realize that I'm naturally not any of those things but at times in my life I've kind of wanted to be that totally tough girl. I decided today that those things are not what I want to be anymore. I need to focus on becoming more refined, becoming more kind and gentle, educated and thoughtful. There aren't enough women out there like that, and that's what I want to be.




• Remember - the most important word in the dictionary according to my beloved seminary teacher Brother Saunders. It's easy to forget why I'm here, where my goals should be, and what I should be doing to reach those goals. But I'm going to recommit to remembering. Everything I have is given to me, the Lord doesn't owe me anything, I am loved, and there is always someone there for me that knows the bigger picture, I need to have more faith, hope, and charity. Remember more

So.. those are my middle of the year resolutions. One little step at a time hopefully someday I'll be able to accomplish all of these things and become a better person.

Things I only realized I was grateful for when i moved away from home

Okay.. so I'm currently jobless and as a result I've had lots and lots of extra thinking time. So I decided to make a list of all the things that I'm really thankful for that I didn't realize until after I'd moved away from home.. and here it is:

I'm grateful that:

My mom taught me how to really clean

My dad taught me the importance of good old fashioned hard work

I took the time to learn how to cook

My parents never forced me to eat my vegetables..or anything really

My mom made sure I had some social skills

I had my own room in high school

My mom and I argued a lot when I lived at home.. it's given us a really healthy respect for each other

and.. I'm really grateful that I wasn't completely spoiled growing up

Be Yourself by Audioslave

So I was thinking today... what does it mean to love yourself?

What does that feel like? Is it that feeling you get when you put on a new outfit and you're pretty darn sure you look way better than normal? Or is it recognizing that you have way too many quirks and faults and then realizing that you're okay with it? Maybe it's just not hating yourself..

Sometimes I feel like a tourist in my own mind, wandering around with my little fanny pack and sunglasses looking excitedly at everything and taking little snapshots of the most random thoughts and ideas that are bouncing around. Other times I feel like an 85 year old who's spent the last 50 years in the same libary.. knowing exactly where everything is and what's inside each little nook and cranny..

I've heard it countless times.. how can you love someone else when you don't love yourself? In a way it makes sense.. how can I feel comfortable with someone else when I don't even feel comfortable in my own body.. but then again it's so easy to love someone who's everything you don't think you are... right? I don't know.. I'm trying to love myself.. but I'm not exactly sure how because I'm not exactly sure how that feels.. I'm confident.. independent.. I don't really care what other people think about me(atleast not all the time).. I don't hate myself(atleast not all the time).

Maybe it's one of those things that you know it when it happens to you..

Check out Be Yourself by Audioslave...

"And even when you've paid enough, been pulled apart or been held up

With every single memory of the good or bad faces of luck

don't lose any sleep tonight

I'm sure everything will end up alright"

There is something about..

There's something about:

thunderstorms, that makes me feel like I'm on the edge of an adventure

rearranging the furniture, that makes me feel like I've moved into a new place

laughing, that makes me want to find everything funny

sweatpants, that makes me wish I was more athletic

crying, that makes me feel like an ant that should be digging a hole in the dirt

surfing the internet, that makes me feel slightly hopeless

seth cohen on the OC, that gives me faith in truly humorous men

riding a bike, that makes me feel simultaneously 8 years old and incredibly adult

job interviews, that make me feel like I'm in the real world

Best friends, that make me want to be a better person

reading a book, that takes me to another world that no matter the problems always seems better than the one I'm living in.

the wind rushing through the leaves, that makes me want to write poetry

turtles in an aquarium, that makes me young, innocent, and unrealistically happy about the small things.

raw music, that makes me feel part of everything

There's something about this life I'm living, so outrageously ordinary, yet in it's own way the life I've always wanted to live. It's everything I expected except harder. Moments ago so full of hope.. now just swimming upstream against a current that is so much stronger than I am. But everyone has to make the journey.. I guess I just have to get some upper body muscles to claw my way through. I never say what I mean. 

"They'll say our love brought down a kingdom"