Sunday, May 31, 2009

Yesterday I went to a Renaissance Fair.. went through squire training and became knighted for saving the princess..
Ate a tv dinner
And annihilated an entire bag of Garden Salsa Sun Chips..

I also watched Yes Man.. maybe I should try and say "yes" more often.. :)

Thursday, May 28, 2009

...I taught him how to make killer mac and cheese... and he taught me how to see if the noodles were done..

Ouch.. it happened again

So I dreamt about a boy last night, a boy that I love.. And in this dream the impossible happened, and when I woke up and realized it was impossible, it hurt. I feel like somebody out there in this universe.. likes to lull me into a false sense of strength and independence and then in the space of one night pull me back down into uncertainty and sadness.. slightly dramatic.. but the basic point is the same.

I've done everything I can to let this kid go.. I've eaten countless gallons of ice cream and cookie dough, watched hundreds of chick flicks, cried until I couldn't remember what I was crying about, moved out of the state, started a new life, made new friends, liked other boys, made out with other boys, developed new hobbies, thrown myself into working, written songs, "given it time", exercised, reconnected with religion, stopped talking to that boy, and that's just about everything I can think of to do.. yet one simple dream last night.. such a realistic dream.. tore the scab right off that wound and it started bleeding again.

Luckily I think it's basically healed.. so the bleeding will stop pretty immediately.. but here's the kind of sad part. I'm a dreamer, sometimes I think real life is like the movies.. but it's not. My ending with this boy isn't a fairy tale ending. He doesn't realize one day that the person he's wanted all along is me.. he doesn't come running to me and say "I've always loved you".. nope.. it's just me.. I'm the only one who will have that feeling. He's so over me.. over a year over me.. so what I am still doing hanging out in this place?

What's it going to take? How many times can I ask myself that question?.. I don't know what else to do.. any ideas?

"she laid her heart and soul right in your hands, and you stole her every dream and you crushed her plans.. she never even knew she had a choice.. stupid boy"

But I'm mostly fine :).. just had a lot to get off my chest after my beautiful nightmare last night..

Monday, May 25, 2009

Memorial Day Means Remembering

Uh.. so I guess Memorial Day is actually code for remembering exactly how your mother taught you to clean everything...
Today is a cleaning day.. Which I like sometimes. I guess holidays are perfect for doing all that stuff you put off doing in between them.. atleast that's kind of how it's been for me the last couple of holidays.. namely.. Valentines Day, Mother's Day, my birthday(okay doesn't really count as a holiday but.. you know), and most recently Memorial Day.
So I'm trying to decide if I'm bitter about it.. or if I actually do enjoy it.
Pros and Cons:
pro:It's nice to have a day to catch up on everything
con:It kinda sucks not having too many friends around to hang out with
pro: A quiet house is relaxing
con: A quiet house is lonely
pro: You can do whatever you want..
con: You're supposed to be celebrating something.. but you're kind of not
Okay.. just a little bit of a vent session.. I guess it's a good thing.. I don't have to celebrate every holiday in a fantastic way to enjoy the day.. It is nice to catch up on everything... I can do whatever I want..
But I miss my family..
Growing up isn't as cool as the movies make it.. but sometimes it is
Okay.. the bathroom is calling.. back to loud music and talking to myself so I can hear how my thoughts sound out loud..
Happy Memorial Day :)

Sunday, May 17, 2009


I'm 19. It doesn't feel any different, but it does. It was just a day like any other, plus an incredible cheesecake. We'll see what this world has for a 19 year old.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

I Love This Day..

Today was a day where nothing out of the ordinary happened. I woke up, ate breakfast, wandered around the empty apartment, took a nap, showered, now I'm sitting. Strangely enough, it's these kinds of days that spark the most thought. There are so many things in this life of mine that I love, simple pleasures that make everything worthwhile, and if you add enough of those little things up.. sometimes they can make up for when everthing goes wrong.
Things I Loved About This Day:

Laying in bed and hearing the sounds of the day outside your window

Straightening your hair as slow as possible

Green Microfiber

Clothes strewn on a purple floor

The never ending sound of a refridgerator running

Crying over a movie that isn't really that sad

Listening to all of your favorite songs over.. and over..

Hearing the sound of your own laughter in an empty apartment

Looking in the fridge and realizing there isn't anything different in there since the last time you checked

Trying to scratch your own back

Showers that are so hot they turn your skin bright red

Thinking at the end of a day that you wouldn't have had your life turn out any other way.

Life is good.. :)

Sunday, May 10, 2009

A Real Life Demo Derby!

My first demolition derby! Me and my friend Brittany :) We can't even wait for all this demolition goodness to begin!

Just a little snapshot of the type of people we were associating with at this event.
That car is definitely on top of that other one, the black car in the corner number 403 was the car I had pegged to win.. but it couldn't stand up to the intenseness

There was smoke everywhere from the poor engines overheating and exploding

So the demo derby was a lot of fun :) This car 253 was the overall winner.. it was still running at the very end. Moral of the story.. I'm definitely taking my future children to a demolition derby. And maybe someday I'll even be the driver :P

Sunday, May 3, 2009

The last day has been 72 hours

The past 3 days have been awesome! Friday was the last day at my old apartment and we had a sleepover in our living room. So much fun. Saturday was a little bit stressful, we had to move everything out and deep clean the whole apartment by 12:30, but we made it work and we're out!
My new apartment is awesome! It's much more spacious which is always nice. The past 3 days have pretty much just run in to eachother and I don't think I'll ever catch up on sleep. I'm missing my home state of Oregon especially since my best buds went home for the summer and are there. I'm looking for a second job because I need to make a ton of money this summer. Living is expensive. I'm looking at a book store or a waitress.. we'll see how it goes.
I think that's all the news.. nothing has really changed in the past few weeks.. and yeah I stole my friends idea on her blog and put a record as my header :) you're ideas are awesome Laura :)