you hit the nail right on the head

"You're one confused girl...and you're one confusing girl" he said

Boy, doesn't that just say it all...

You're right..I like you too much

I hate the way you talk to me

And the way you cut your hair

I hate the way you drive your car

I hate it when you stare

I hate your big dumb sweater

And the way you read my mind

I hate you so much it makes me sick

I hate the way you're always right

I hate it when you lie

I hate it when you make me laugh...

Even worse when you make me cry

I hate it when you're not around

And the fact that you didn't call

But mostly..

I hate the way that I don't hate you

Not even close

Not even a little bit

Not even at all

-10 Things I Hate About You-

They're Killing Me Softly...

When I get the chance, I'll turn the next one away,

I won't get caught up...I'll look at him and say

"Go away please, there's no room in this inn,

I want no more battles in this war I can't win"

I didn't really just say that did I?

I did, must be losin it.

Cuz it almost felt like there might be some truth in it.

Gotta get outta here, stop playin these games

They're killing me softly, same guys...different names

-unknown

I'm tired of this love story...so tired

It's 11:11...Make a wish

I've been wishing on every star,

over every bridge,

on each lucky number,

each time I see a dandelion,

and every night before I go to bed...

I've been wishing so hard...for you.

There's something you have that reminds me so accurately of my past...it aches when I wish for you.
Funny how.. there's someone in this world that is wishing with all their might.. and you can't feel it.
If I want something bad enough.. can I make it happen with just my will power alone?
If I stop to count the reasons why...I can't think of very many.
Wishing and dreams are all my mind uses these days.

Cus This Hurts

I feel like my walls are crumbling.

If only you knew how hard I work every single day to keep each brick in place.

I'm frantic.

This feeling is called panic.

And the worst part...

I'm tearing it down myself.

Though every part tells me to let it fall

I know it'll hurt.

It hurts now, and it hasn't even begun.

Distance and Distraction.

That's what I need.

Close the part that feels and forget.

Play the game.

Defense and Protection.

Rebuild the walls.

The only thing left.

All the things I'd say

I just want you to know..

I've had the wind knocked out of me but never the hurricane

I wish slitting the wrist of the clock would let this moment last forever

I just want to be okay

When you're dreaming with a broken heart, the waking up is the hardest part

So come on and fly with me, as we make our great escape

You've touched these tired eyes of mine

You deserve a smile with no regret

Yours are the sweetest eyes I've ever seen

I'm scared

I'm in repair, I'm not together but I'm getting there

I survive on the breath you're finished with

I may not have the softest touch

I may not say the words as such

And though I don't fit in that much

I'm yours.

Here We Go Again

It's happening again. And I hate it.Why did this have to be my particularly strong weakness?

Will I ever overcome this substanstial hurdle or am I doomed to fail every time?

"There's a field where I grow only bruises, inner gnawing, and heartache."

-Jeffrey McDaniel

"Consequence was a planet whose orbit we couldn't respect"

-Jeffrey McDaniel

Always Learning

So.. I learned something new last night..
Well.. it wasn't so much that I learned it for the first time.. mostly I just realized it..
When you work in the food business.. for example a restaurant.
Don't fall in love with any of of the waiters..

They're paid to be charming

For Forever..

So pretty much my whole life I've wanted to be an actress. As a young child I would watch movies over and over focusing on one character that I found intriguing and then try and act like them for the rest of the day. As I grew older I used to pretend that just my ever day life was being filmed and I was the lead. So I guess you could say I'm always acting. There is something incredibly intriguing to me about becoming someone else. I don't know if I'm ever going to be an actress. But if I could have one wish granted to me, it would be to perform. I don't just want to be famous, because that's a hard life. But I want to play those characters, all of them.

Another thing that I do, that might be a little bit crazy, but I like to research actors and actresses and see who they really are, behind their celebrity standing. I like to know how they view acting, and how they go about becoming a better actor. So the actor that I've most recently been looking at is Shia Labeauf. I first saw Shia in Even Stevens on the Disney Channel, and I loved his seemingly effortless confident humor. As he's grown I've seen this in all of his movies. He has excellent comedic timing. And to me, he's real. He could be just another guy.

Anyway.. those are my thoughts. I want to act. I want to be somebody else for awhile.

Week of Bands

I have a lot of new music to share.

Carolina Liar

So the lead singer of this band is from South Carolina. The other band members excluding one are mostly from Sweden. Their music has so much feeling in it. They mean what they say.

My favorites:

I'm Not Over: I absolutely love the lead singers voice. This is also a really catchy tune. I just love it.

Coming to Terms: I feel like this song has so much emotion behind it. They sing about real stuff. And again.. I love his voice.

Check out all their stuff though, cus it's all stinkin good.

Straight from Dublin

The Script

One of my new favorite bands..

It's called The Script.. an irish trio from Dublin.

My two favorite songs:

Breakeven: it always gives me a feeling of liberating melancholy when I hear a song that describes absolutely perfectly how I felt.. this song is perfect. I couldn't have said it better myself.

The Man Who Can't Be Moved: this is such a good song..it's not adorable or cute really.. but those are the only words I can think of to describe this song. It's something else..

...I taught him how to make killer mac and cheese... and he taught me how to see if the noodles were done..

Ouch.. it happened again

So I dreamt about a boy last night, a boy that I love.. And in this dream the impossible happened, and when I woke up and realized it was impossible, it hurt. I feel like somebody out there in this universe.. likes to lull me into a false sense of strength and independence and then in the space of one night pull me back down into uncertainty and sadness.. slightly dramatic.. but the basic point is the same.

I've done everything I can to let this kid go.. I've eaten countless gallons of ice cream and cookie dough, watched hundreds of chick flicks, cried until I couldn't remember what I was crying about, moved out of the state, started a new life, made new friends, liked other boys, made out with other boys, developed new hobbies, thrown myself into working, written songs, "given it time", exercised, reconnected with religion, stopped talking to that boy, and that's just about everything I can think of to do.. yet one simple dream last night.. such a realistic dream.. tore the scab right off that wound and it started bleeding again.

Luckily I think it's basically healed.. so the bleeding will stop pretty immediately.. but here's the kind of sad part. I'm a dreamer, sometimes I think real life is like the movies.. but it's not. My ending with this boy isn't a fairy tale ending. He doesn't realize one day that the person he's wanted all along is me.. he doesn't come running to me and say "I've always loved you".. nope.. it's just me.. I'm the only one who will have that feeling. He's so over me.. over a year over me.. so what I am still doing hanging out in this place?

What's it going to take? How many times can I ask myself that question?.. I don't know what else to do.. any ideas?

"she laid her heart and soul right in your hands, and you stole her every dream and you crushed her plans.. she never even knew she had a choice.. stupid boy"

But I'm mostly fine :).. just had a lot to get off my chest after my beautiful nightmare last night..