they don't have anywhere else to go

Thoughts that bounce around.. they need to come out. But where would I put them? They're not exactly like call-a-friend worthy but they're too long for a status on facebook. So they come here.

Man am I grateful for extremely attractive men at work

Why are all the extremely attractive men impossible to have?

Why does that always happen?

Men who are bad for me are attracted to me..

I'm attracted to men who are bad for me.

Why?

I'm exhausted.. more exhausted then I've been in a long long long time

5 nights of unwanted sleep deprivation.. that'll do it

Why are her flowers dying.. I water them.. but they look worse every day

That cat seriously never stops meowing, what does it want??

I might be terrible for leading guys on.. on purpose

I am terrible for leading guys on..on purpose

Players.. I'm okay if they're around and..

unfortunately.. I'm semi-okay with them playing me

I won't get attached...right? so right

Sometimes I miss high school even though I promised myself I wouldn't

I like to feel like I'm good at flirting

Man does he have a good smile.. and why did he have to touch my arm?

Player

I have to keep reminding myself :)

I'm terrible..

I'm still waiting for the day when I snap my fingers and look exactly how I want to look

I work with them both tomorrow! Yes!

...I miss my family and friends

I Love French Actors

L'amour Dangereux

I just picked up an independent foreign film and popped it in the dvd player

I had no expectations of what the movie was about or what it would be like.

And.. honestly.. it wasn't that great.

There were some parts...if you know what I mean

And.. if I don't speak or understand the language does it matter how many F bombs were dropped?...confession the English subtitles were on.

Anyway

The two leads in this film.. I fell in love with them both.

Jennifer Decker

Nicolas Cazale

Both French actors..

It definitely helps that I love the french language so everytime they spoke I was completely enthralled..

I'd really like to see them in some other films.. I think it's pretty cool that there's like this whole other world filled with actors and actresses that we've never even heard of.

I've gotta watch more foreign films.

So.. Sometimes Your Computer Gets A Virus..

So.. Sometimes your computer gets a virus... and you lose everything. Everything. We're talking full blown no pictures no itunes no essays no lyrics no resume no backgrounds no "don't forget" notes no list of books to read no favorites pages saved on the internet no recipes no things I wish I would have said factory condition computer meltdown.

And sometimes that virus is the last straw

So.. You feel bummed and disappointed and "why me" and "how could this happen" and I can't handle this and angry and frustrated and at times even irate and indescribably sad and eventually that all turns into.. I feel glad that I get to start over and it's a really good thing that the stupid file I hated that belonged to that stupid boy I could never hate that for some reason I could never get rid of is gone. Maybe it was a sign, or some sort of blessing from the universe.

But it's still kind of the last straw

So.. Now I feel like my life is pretty unorganized because for whatever reason that laptop made my life feel somewhat put together. And I'm picking up the pieces and reinstalling the software and maybe this time I won't let my laptop get filled with things that are extra, unneccesary, background noise, irritating, and slow my computer down. Maybe I can turn it into an analogy for my life.

Live simply

You can always start over

Remember what's really important

It'll all work out in the end, and if it doesn't, it's not the end.

Cesar Millan.. The Dog Whisperer

Okay.. it might be a tiny obsession. But I absolutely love watching Cesar Millan The Dog Whisperer. He's amazing to watch. He gives new insight on dog training, which I find pretty interesting. I consider myself an animal person and I love learning about animal psychology, and that's what Cesar does. He teaches me about dog psychology, and I think it's pretty cool.

There's No Place Like Home..

My family picked me up at the airport yesterday and it was like the happiness just melted into all the corners of my soul. It's such a comfortable feeling. These people absolutely love me no matter what. It didn't matter that I had missed my bus at 4:30 in the morning because I woke up late, so I looked like I just came out from underneath a bridge.

They were so happy to see me they didn't even notice that I smelled bad, I've gained 10 pounds since the last time they saw me and I was still wearing yesterdays makeup. :)

We left from the airport to go on vacation. It has been so nice, to relax and love and be loved by the people you care about the most. We've laughed our heads off, argued a little bit, and done a lot of incredibly fun things together already.. I love my family, with all my heart. Wherever my family is, is where my home is, and there's no place like it.

She Did It

It got me thinking, that show I woke up to. It's called 16 and Pregnant. What started out as sleepy nonchalance soon turned into avid interest. This young girl's life. Not in school. Doctor's appointments. Fights with her mother. Baby Showers. Giving birth at 17 years old. A world completely apart from own. But not so different from my moms.

She did it. She became an adult at 16 years old. The at-home studying to graduate high school. The doctor's appointments. The fights with her parents. Being at home alone, anticipating. The birth. My life.

My Mom.. is amazing. Watching this show made me realize how much my Mom sacrificed so that I could have the best life she could give me. I have massive amounts of respect for her. More than I could ever say. I love you.

And We Will..

I will:

Laugh at your jokes

Be proud of you

Always stay faithful

Love you

You will:

Kiss me when you come home from work

Kill spiders

Open tight jars

Reach the shelves I can't

And we will..

Promise to always work it out

Love eachother forever

Still hold hands when we're 92

And live happily ever after

All I ask, is that you love me in spite of all my bad habits, that you still want to be with me even when it's tough, and that you'll always be proud of our life together.. I'll wait