You're right..I like you too much

I hate the way you talk to me

And the way you cut your hair

I hate the way you drive your car

I hate it when you stare

I hate your big dumb sweater

And the way you read my mind

I hate you so much it makes me sick

I hate the way you're always right

I hate it when you lie

I hate it when you make me laugh...

Even worse when you make me cry

I hate it when you're not around

And the fact that you didn't call

But mostly..

I hate the way that I don't hate you

Not even close

Not even a little bit

Not even at all

-10 Things I Hate About You-

It's Enough

This week I realized that...
I am enough.

Somewhere along the way I dropped my confidence. But this past month I retraced my steps and picked it back up again.. it was right where I left it.

Love is Issun

So.. as of late my muse has, in a way, left me to my own. I think that somehow muse might be related to romance.. maybe I can't have one without the other. In light of my situation I will merely document.

My Halloween night was highly uneventful. I went to work, came home and went to bed. That's the end of that story.

This is the most exciting part of my Halloween day however.. It goes like this:

Jess, Ana and I decided to take a trip to the Humane Society to look for a dog for Jess's boyfriend. We looked and looked and found so many wonderful dogs and puppies. We fell in love with the most amazing little golden lab as well as an adult pit bull named Princess. We called the landlord and asked ever so politely if they would mind if we got a dog. To my astonishment they acquiesed. We were half way there! Now we just needed to decided which one we wanted.

We decided to take a break from deciding and visit the kittens. We played and cuddled and oohed and ahhed.

Then

One of the shelter managers walked in carrying the tiniest kitten I've ever beheld..and said "Can some one please take this kitten?" Which actually was a kind of funny statement considering we three were the only ones present in the room.

Our concerned and questioning faces must have registed quite visibly to the woman because she went on to explain that the shelter was over capacity for kittens and that this one was going to need special attention that the shelter didn't have time (due to their over capacity numbers) to take care of.

We looked at each other... and after a second the decision was made. We'd take the little guy.

We now have a 4th member of our little family. His name is Issun. It's japanese for "little one inch" He's only 3 weeks old. Abandoned by his mother and left in a field. We have to bottle feed him every couple of hours, and clean him, and basically do everything for him because he's too little. But we love him. And I think we really did save a life. It's day number 4 with the little monster and he gets cuter every day.

I don't have my camera with me so below is a picture I found on the internet of what he pretty much looks like.

We just love him :) Even though he does need round the clock attention. :)

Thank You Pandora

Due to some unfortunate circumstances I haven't been able to listen to Relient K for just over a year now.
I made a Pandora account yesterday.. based on the song Fireflies by Owl City...
Needless to say.. Relient K has been playing all day...
Thanks Pandora.. for reuniting me with a painful past..
This is how it started..
First Song: I cringed..and my ears hurt
Second Song: I tried to pretend I couldn't hear it
Third Song: I hesitantly listened to the lyrics
Fourth Song: I actually listened
Fifth Song: I began to enjoy
Now I like Relient K again..
There's still a few songs that I won't listen to
But thanks Pandora...for reuniting me with a band I really do like...I just pretended not to.

Where Might It Have Gone?

As of late.. I've experienced a lot of foreign emotions. Which is weird.. because I pretty much thought I'd felt them all.

But for the past few weeks I've been feeling tired...exhausted... of the love story.

I'm a romantic girl. I never tired of living vicariously through the beautiful love stories I saw in the movies.. smiling inwardly when I saw a couple cuddling, or holding hands, thinking about my future love, reading and talking about it. It seemed as though love, romance, and passion was the very oxygen I used to sustain my absolutely average life.

Now...

I'm tired of it.

I feel terrible sometimes for feeling this way. Almost as if I'm betraying my own nature.

I find myself avoiding romantic movies...reaching instead for action or (this is exceptionally distressing) documentaries.

I no longer smile at the couples..rather walk quickly by..ignoring their seemingly inconsiderate infatuation with each other.

Am I becoming bitter?

Please no..I'm still young.

I still find myself yearning for that someone. But I don't want to think about it, watch it, read it, or see it.

What is happening to me?

Maybe it's just a phase. After some good alone time, perhaps I will reunite with my romance.

It does feel weird to be separated from it.

Leave Unsaid Unspoken

The sound of the piano trickles over her skin like musical raindrops.

She closes her eyes.

This here is her place, no one ever has..nor will enter into it.

A place where each thought slows until it decides to make sense.

The words she hears give definition to the confusion of her heart.

Each combination of notes, each melody, harmony, chord, and progression fill every hole. All except one.

She lay. Feeling the comforting scratch of dry carpet against her delicate skin that has felt so much,

Skin she wishes she could shed for new. She listens as the music crawls in and fills up the space. She welcomes it with an open soul, greeting each discovery with relief. When she hurts, this world of music hurts to.

We cry. We laugh. We speak. We scream. We hope. We wish. We hide. We dream.

This is what keeps her head up.

This is what hurts

Cause these boys only listen to me when I sing...

And I don't feel like singing tonight all the same songs...

No right minds could wrong be this many times

Defending intentions if he fails

Mine was so easy to uncover

He'd already left with the other

I realized that I try to romanticize everything in my life...what does that mean?

I have matching zits on either side of my forehead..I'm wondering...how does that happen?

There's something about flower shops that make me want to smile and drink tea...

Sara Bareilles is singing my heart tonight..