Answer Me This

It is an interesting thing...

Wanting to change your life...parts of your personality...and the assembly of fragments that compose the way you think...

I'm learning.

There are things that you can change and things that you can only learn how to deal with.

I'm a very very long way from the type of person that I want to be.

I want to change by the way I write.

I want to look around and only love what I see.

I want to be well read, educated, intelligent, and smart.

I want to create an impression that doesn't fade.

Doesn't everybody want to be remembered for something?

I want to forget. Leave behind. Put in a box all of my regrets.

I don't want to regret.

I want to do everything.

I don't ever want to wish that I would have...

I'm torn between what's realistic and responsible...and what makes me feel right.

Is there a right way?

When do you stop doing it your parents way and find your own way? Is that okay?

Do you ever stop needing their approval?

How do I change?

Will I ever find my place...my 'niche' in this world?

Do those even exist?

Why is it so hard to make decisions?

I want to change...

you hit the nail right on the head

"You're one confused girl...and you're one confusing girl" he said

Boy, doesn't that just say it all...

Since I've Been Away

It's been quite awhile since I've posted... Not for lack of creative inspiration, I've just been experiencing some pretty crazy things these past few weeks. Learning, growing, thinking...Sometimes when you think life couldn't possibly become more complicated, it takes it as a challenge and definitely does.
I met someone. And this someone will be one of those people. One of those people that later in life I'll look back and mark it as a turning point. Some people judged us...some people made false assumptions... and some people were jealous...and maybe it wasn't the most right, but I wouldn't have it any other way. I'm not sure if whatever we are is over.. or if there's more for me to learn.
One thing someone did for me was introduce me to the John Butler Trio. I love how music finds you when you most need it. "Betterman" means something to me.

Now typical man

I am because you think

I want my cake and eat it too

Cos I say I can't be in no relationship

But I still feel for you

Cos you are the greatest woman

This old man has ever met

You taught me about my soul

You shared with me your magic

Don't want to be a thorn in your side

Good woman

Always be the one

To make you cry

Don't wanna be that guy

Good woman

Cos you deserve everything

And I got nothing so leave me

And I'll go away

Better off I stay

Far from you you you you you

Cause you are beautiful

That's my story.

You're right..I like you too much

I hate the way you talk to me

And the way you cut your hair

I hate the way you drive your car

I hate it when you stare

I hate your big dumb sweater

And the way you read my mind

I hate you so much it makes me sick

I hate the way you're always right

I hate it when you lie

I hate it when you make me laugh...

Even worse when you make me cry

I hate it when you're not around

And the fact that you didn't call

But mostly..

I hate the way that I don't hate you

Not even close

Not even a little bit

Not even at all

-10 Things I Hate About You-

It's Enough

This week I realized that...
I am enough.

Somewhere along the way I dropped my confidence. But this past month I retraced my steps and picked it back up again.. it was right where I left it.

Love is Issun

So.. as of late my muse has, in a way, left me to my own. I think that somehow muse might be related to romance.. maybe I can't have one without the other. In light of my situation I will merely document.

My Halloween night was highly uneventful. I went to work, came home and went to bed. That's the end of that story.

This is the most exciting part of my Halloween day however.. It goes like this:

Jess, Ana and I decided to take a trip to the Humane Society to look for a dog for Jess's boyfriend. We looked and looked and found so many wonderful dogs and puppies. We fell in love with the most amazing little golden lab as well as an adult pit bull named Princess. We called the landlord and asked ever so politely if they would mind if we got a dog. To my astonishment they acquiesed. We were half way there! Now we just needed to decided which one we wanted.

We decided to take a break from deciding and visit the kittens. We played and cuddled and oohed and ahhed.

Then

One of the shelter managers walked in carrying the tiniest kitten I've ever beheld..and said "Can some one please take this kitten?" Which actually was a kind of funny statement considering we three were the only ones present in the room.

Our concerned and questioning faces must have registed quite visibly to the woman because she went on to explain that the shelter was over capacity for kittens and that this one was going to need special attention that the shelter didn't have time (due to their over capacity numbers) to take care of.

We looked at each other... and after a second the decision was made. We'd take the little guy.

We now have a 4th member of our little family. His name is Issun. It's japanese for "little one inch" He's only 3 weeks old. Abandoned by his mother and left in a field. We have to bottle feed him every couple of hours, and clean him, and basically do everything for him because he's too little. But we love him. And I think we really did save a life. It's day number 4 with the little monster and he gets cuter every day.

I don't have my camera with me so below is a picture I found on the internet of what he pretty much looks like.

We just love him :) Even though he does need round the clock attention. :)