Thursday, September 10, 2009

Paper Bags and Plastic Hearts

If I had to choose one album to describe all of high school it would be the self-titled album Boys Like Girls. I can recall the exact moment we were introduced. It was in the red rocket, driving to lunch. The indie rock/alternative band blared through the fuzzy speakers. It was like I discovered music for the first time. The song Up Against the Wall spoke of lost love, the hurt, sorrow, and confusion of heart ache. All things that my young innocent heart knew absolutely nothing of. But I loved it. I used to listen to the song over and over and pretend like I knew what that felt like. Ironically, as I listen to this song today...I know. "Who said that it's better to have loved and lost, I wish that I had never loved at all."
Boys Like Girls and their song The Great Escape was there when my first real crush whispered that he liked me...he really liked me. I didn't have to imagine anymore. I'd never felt like I could fly before and that there wasn't anything in this world that I couldn't long as he was there.
Five Minutes to Midnight was the song we sang at the top of our lungs when we were skipping church on Wednesdays. Being teenagers, talking about life and everything we hoped it would hold for us. It was there when he'd rush me home to make curfew, dreaming about the day when we'd drive right out of our little town and start our own life.
On Top of the World and Thunder were the songs I listened to in my car after spending the day with him... sitting in my driveway procrastinating going inside, not wanting the night to end. Lights out, windows beginning to fog as I sang those words to the steering wheel, windshield and old fabric seats. These songs were the songs of my heart.
Boys Like Girls was my first band t-shirt. He bought it for me when he went to their concert. The first t-shirt any boy had bought me. I wore it religiously.. it meant something.
Every song has some memory attached. It's the soundtrack of my high school career. When it all ended I couldn't listen to Boys Like Girls anymore. They still spoke the truth..but I didn't want to hear the truth. Up Against the Wall made me cry.. Great Escape made me want to scream until he had no voice to play me and I had no voice to answer.
Boys Like Girls and I have reunited. They are fond memories now. I wouldn't trade high school for anything..but I'd never go back. I don't regret him..I don't even think of him every day fact I've tried so hard to erase him that I can't remember what his voice sounds like anymore, or how his hand feels in mine, any of our inside jokes, his favorite foods or movies, or what his handwriting looked like. The exact color of his eyes, the face he made when he was concentrating, his laugh, how his breath smelt, how I felt when he kissed me, what his room looked like, and when he'd hold me and say I love you..those things I'll never forget. I can't. I've tried. Do I miss him? No. I miss the idea of him.
Every song meant something, and has some memory attached. It's the soundtrack of my high school career.
P.S. Laura, you will never know how much you mean to me. You are the only one who really knows. Thanks for being there through everything.

1 comment:

  1. Some songs will always be branded with the name of a boy. It's unfortunate, but true.

    We are so good for each other. Sisters:) Thanks for loving me for everything I'm not and reminding me of everything I am.