Thursday, October 21, 2010

Laundry Thoughts

The laundromat. South Side Suds. Just a place, a location. A room filled with the quiet humming of washers in their spin cycle and the soft noise that comes when clothes tumble together. Apartments never feel like home unless theres a washer and dryer. I guess thats why this laundromat feels more like home than anywhere else. There's just something about laundry.
It's hard to explain sometimes. The way we feel. Maybe even impossible. I guess thats why we write, or paint, or sing, or build things, or workout, or become hermits. Somebody said something interesting to me today.. he said..
"You can sit all day in sweats and watch movies and never be uncomfortable, but life is supposed to be uncomfortable..that's how you know you're getting somewhere."

I'm afraid that I'm so afraid of being uncomfortable that I'm just coasting through life. There's another quote that hit me pretty hard.. It's from the book Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth Gilbert..
"Stop wearing your wishbone where your backbone ought to be"
What's wrong with me? There's a large part of my brain that screams.."mostly nothing" Sure I've got issues..doesn't everyone? Quirks, bad habits, things to learn. But I don't think those things constitute being wrong. Shouldn't I be able to be who I am.. all the time? Without having to apologize for it? Isn't that okay? Normal even? Needless to say there's a bit of a civil war going on in here. Where did I get all this patience? I've never experienced a patient day in my life and now all of a sudden I can wait forever? What is happening to me.. I'm pretty sure I never learned how to compromise either.. and now I don't even compromise I just give in. I'm afraid of these new developments they feel like trying to fit into your little sisters clothes. Too tight.. the wrong fit. I'm not sure there's anyone in the whole world tailored to fit me.. does that mean I'm doomed to always being something I'm not? Or is there someone who's willing to just accept and love anyway? I know I'm spoiled. Spoiled rotten in fact.. I've even been accused, tried, and found guilty by many more than just my parents. I know this is the most spoiled thing to say of all.. but so what? Ahh.. life never gets any easier. This turned into ramblings.. but I mostly just needed to get the thoughts out of my head.. or I was in danger of doing something drastic. Possibly taking a long run at night in Southtown without my mace.. or trying to cut my own hair.. or attempting to induce a food coma.. or j-walking across the highway..possibly even driving straight out of Corvallis until my car ran completely out of gas and then just waiting for someone to rescue me. But I've spent the majority of my life waiting for that someone.. and I've come to the conclusion that millions before me have already realized.. you can only save yourself. Maybe I'll try turning my phone off for days.. i hear that's liberating. As if I don't already have enough going on up in my swollen brain I now have to try and cram Middle English from the 15th century up there. Who knows where it will fit..but I suppose it must be done.

1 comment:

  1. I hope I am included the "many more than my parents" comment. And if it is any consolation, if you were headed in an eastern direction out of Corvallis, I would bike out and pick you up. And I promise you right now, that I wouldn't bring you back there.