It is an interesting thing...
Wanting to change your life...parts of your personality...and the assembly of fragments that compose the way you think...
I'm learning.
There are things that you can change and things that you can only learn how to deal with.
I'm a very very long way from the type of person that I want to be.
I want to change by the way I write.
I want to look around and only love what I see.
I want to be well read, educated, intelligent, and smart.
I want to create an impression that doesn't fade.
Doesn't everybody want to be remembered for something?
I want to forget. Leave behind. Put in a box all of my regrets.
I don't want to regret.
I want to do everything.
I don't ever want to wish that I would have...
I'm torn between what's realistic and responsible...and what makes me feel right.
Is there a right way?
When do you stop doing it your parents way and find your own way? Is that okay?
Do you ever stop needing their approval?
How do I change?
How do I change?
Will I ever find my place...my 'niche' in this world?
Do those even exist?
Why is it so hard to make decisions?
I want to change...
I wish I had the answers to all those thoughtful questions, but the only thing I know for sure is that there IS a place for everyone; each and every person belongs somewhere, and when you finally find it, that dimly-lit corner that's just yours, it's a truly magical moment. I found it when I went off to college and met my amazing group of friends and went through the first few trials of independence and adulthood only to finally, finally realize that I am, in fact, enough. If change is what you seek, find out who you are now, and from there you can start to build towards who you want to be. From my experience though, the changes that truly matter - the ones that are meant to happen - will happen on their own. And you will become the person you're meant to me when the time is right. :)
ReplyDeleteI can't say it much better than that... but I understand. These last couple of weeks, I finally am learning that I need to be just me. So I started to read the scriptures. I am finishing the Book of Mormon before the beginning of next semester... still in 1 Nephi so wish me luck. But the idea was, I need to find out who I am, without the tag, without the parents, the friends, who am I when I look in the mirror. Do I like what I see? What am I becoming and where am I going? If you want change, ignore what everyone else says and do what is important to you. And in some quiet moments, pray and search and you may find things that you never knew about yourself before if you really do open up and let go.
ReplyDeleteIt is surprising how many answers you can find in a good book... but you already knew that, didn't you? So please, remember...
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