Friday, February 5, 2010

How about...

Today after falling into bed after work, I was contemplating my seemingly dull life. Here it is...a Friday night... the apartment is empty. Not completely empty.. loneliness threatens to fill the corners of my bedroom, leaving little notes behind that say "Why aren't you out with friends?" " Why hasn't anyone called you?" "Wish someone wanted to spend time with you."
One of my new years resolutions was to be okay with being alone. So I've slowly been building up my immunity to loneliness. So to combat my negative notes I picked up my favorite book. My to do list :) I flipped through it, reading a little here and there just like I do every day, but this line caught my attention. It said
"Remember that tomorrow is never promised to you"
As I lay there, staring at the ceiling, hoping to find the answers to my questions amongst the paint and texture... I thought... What would I do today if I knew it was my last day? For the statement is true. Tomorrow is never promised to anyone.
I definitely wouldn't spend it feeling sorry for myself, or laying in bed. While pondering this notion, I was seized by the most amazing feeling in the whole world.
An excitement for life and,
A joy in the life I'm living
That's what I've forgotten. I think so many of us have forgotten. It's easy to fall into routine, to an acceptance, and endurance to the lives we're living. It's almost as if our only goal is to survive through our own lives. And maybe sometimes, when the pressures are too many and too great, that's all we can do. Hold on for dear life and hope we're strong enough to not let ourselves fall. And I think that it's okay to be that way sometimes.
But the really cool thing is, we write our own story. Is mine an adventure? A romance? Is it a story of my regrets? My dreams? A mystery? I can make it whatever I want it to be. Maybe it'll be a little bit of everything.
I know that there will be days when I'll feel lonely, forgotten, unpopular, simple, not enough, invisible, miniscule, and unimportant. But on those days, I'll remember how incredibly blessed I am that I can decide my own life. If there's something I don't like, I can change it! It's time for me to stop dreaming my life and start living my dreams. We should all try to rediscover that joy for living, that excitement for the unknown, that we innately possessed as children. Instead of merely going through the motions of the life we think we're stuck in and enduring through... Let's make our lives ones that we're proud to live... Lives that if tomorrow were our last, we'd be able to look back and grin with one of those 'I'm-just-so-happy-I-can't-help-but-smile" smiles, and we'd be able to turn to our Father and say "Look what I did!"
From now on that's how I'm going to try and live. With joy no matter what. With excitement for the next day. With hope and anticipation and the biggest of smiles. Our lives are too short, why waste our days?

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