Always Learning

So.. I learned something new last night..
Well.. it wasn't so much that I learned it for the first time.. mostly I just realized it..
When you work in the food business.. for example a restaurant.
Don't fall in love with any of of the waiters..

They're paid to be charming

Doubt

Sometimes I stress about.. what to post on my blog. I want something insightful, fun, interesting..etc. But.. I'm beginning to realize that this blog is more for me than it is for anyone else. It's a way for me to say what I think.. a creative outlet. Tonight I feel.. kind of like this monologue from the famous play and now movie Doubt by John Patrick Shanley.

What do you do when you're not sure? That's the topic of my sermon today.

Last year, when President Kennedy was assasinated, who among us did not experience the most profound disorientation. Despair?

Which way? What now?

What do I say to my kids? What do I tell myself? It was a time of people sitting together, bound together by a common feeling of hopelessness.

But think of that! You're BOND with your fellow being was your Despair.

It was a public experience. It was awful but we were in it together.

How much worse is it then for the lone man, the lone woman stricken by a private calamity?

No one knows I'm sick

No one knows I've lost my last real friend

No one knows I've done something wrong. Imagine the isolation. Now you see the world as through a window. On one side of the glass: happy untroubled people, and on the other side: you.

I want to tell you a story

A cargo ship sank one night. It caught fire and went down. And only this one sailor survived. He found a lifeboat, rigged a sail...and being of a nautical discipline...turned his eyes to the Heavens and read the stars. He set a course towards home and exhausted fell asleep. Clouds rolled in. And for the next twenty nights, he could no longer see the stars. He thought he was on course, but there was no way to be certain. And as the days rolled on, and the sailor wasted away, he began to have doubts. Had he set his course right? Was he still going on towards his home? Or was he horribly lost and doomed to a terrible death? No way to know. The message of the constellations - had he imagined it because of his desperate circumstance? Or had he seen truth once and now had to hold on to it without further reassurance?

There are those of you in church today who know exactly the crisis of faith I describe. And I want to say to you. Doubt can be a bond as powerful and sustaining as certainty. When you are lost. You are not alone.

We all have doubts in our lives. Something I have to remind myself of often is the saying:

"It'll all work out in the end, and if it doesn't work out, it's not the end"

they don't have anywhere else to go

Thoughts that bounce around.. they need to come out. But where would I put them? They're not exactly like call-a-friend worthy but they're too long for a status on facebook. So they come here.

Man am I grateful for extremely attractive men at work

Why are all the extremely attractive men impossible to have?

Why does that always happen?

Men who are bad for me are attracted to me..

I'm attracted to men who are bad for me.

Why?

I'm exhausted.. more exhausted then I've been in a long long long time

5 nights of unwanted sleep deprivation.. that'll do it

Why are her flowers dying.. I water them.. but they look worse every day

That cat seriously never stops meowing, what does it want??

I might be terrible for leading guys on.. on purpose

I am terrible for leading guys on..on purpose

Players.. I'm okay if they're around and..

unfortunately.. I'm semi-okay with them playing me

I won't get attached...right? so right

Sometimes I miss high school even though I promised myself I wouldn't

I like to feel like I'm good at flirting

Man does he have a good smile.. and why did he have to touch my arm?

Player

I have to keep reminding myself :)

I'm terrible..

I'm still waiting for the day when I snap my fingers and look exactly how I want to look

I work with them both tomorrow! Yes!

...I miss my family and friends

I Love French Actors

L'amour Dangereux

I just picked up an independent foreign film and popped it in the dvd player

I had no expectations of what the movie was about or what it would be like.

And.. honestly.. it wasn't that great.

There were some parts...if you know what I mean

And.. if I don't speak or understand the language does it matter how many F bombs were dropped?...confession the English subtitles were on.

Anyway

The two leads in this film.. I fell in love with them both.

Jennifer Decker

Nicolas Cazale

Both French actors..

It definitely helps that I love the french language so everytime they spoke I was completely enthralled..

I'd really like to see them in some other films.. I think it's pretty cool that there's like this whole other world filled with actors and actresses that we've never even heard of.

I've gotta watch more foreign films.

So.. Sometimes Your Computer Gets A Virus..

So.. Sometimes your computer gets a virus... and you lose everything. Everything. We're talking full blown no pictures no itunes no essays no lyrics no resume no backgrounds no "don't forget" notes no list of books to read no favorites pages saved on the internet no recipes no things I wish I would have said factory condition computer meltdown.

And sometimes that virus is the last straw

So.. You feel bummed and disappointed and "why me" and "how could this happen" and I can't handle this and angry and frustrated and at times even irate and indescribably sad and eventually that all turns into.. I feel glad that I get to start over and it's a really good thing that the stupid file I hated that belonged to that stupid boy I could never hate that for some reason I could never get rid of is gone. Maybe it was a sign, or some sort of blessing from the universe.

But it's still kind of the last straw

So.. Now I feel like my life is pretty unorganized because for whatever reason that laptop made my life feel somewhat put together. And I'm picking up the pieces and reinstalling the software and maybe this time I won't let my laptop get filled with things that are extra, unneccesary, background noise, irritating, and slow my computer down. Maybe I can turn it into an analogy for my life.

Live simply

You can always start over

Remember what's really important

It'll all work out in the end, and if it doesn't, it's not the end.

Cesar Millan.. The Dog Whisperer

Okay.. it might be a tiny obsession. But I absolutely love watching Cesar Millan The Dog Whisperer. He's amazing to watch. He gives new insight on dog training, which I find pretty interesting. I consider myself an animal person and I love learning about animal psychology, and that's what Cesar does. He teaches me about dog psychology, and I think it's pretty cool.

There's No Place Like Home..

My family picked me up at the airport yesterday and it was like the happiness just melted into all the corners of my soul. It's such a comfortable feeling. These people absolutely love me no matter what. It didn't matter that I had missed my bus at 4:30 in the morning because I woke up late, so I looked like I just came out from underneath a bridge.

They were so happy to see me they didn't even notice that I smelled bad, I've gained 10 pounds since the last time they saw me and I was still wearing yesterdays makeup. :)

We left from the airport to go on vacation. It has been so nice, to relax and love and be loved by the people you care about the most. We've laughed our heads off, argued a little bit, and done a lot of incredibly fun things together already.. I love my family, with all my heart. Wherever my family is, is where my home is, and there's no place like it.