Straight from Dublin

The Script

One of my new favorite bands..

It's called The Script.. an irish trio from Dublin.

My two favorite songs:

Breakeven: it always gives me a feeling of liberating melancholy when I hear a song that describes absolutely perfectly how I felt.. this song is perfect. I couldn't have said it better myself.

The Man Who Can't Be Moved: this is such a good song..it's not adorable or cute really.. but those are the only words I can think of to describe this song. It's something else..

Food Fantasies

So.. I have some dreams when it comes to food. Someday I want to be an incredible chef.

I want to open my own gourmet restaurant and serve high quality food to people who appreciate it. To me, there is something magical about an elegantly decorated restaurant filled with nicely dressed people enjoying exceptional food. I want that someday.

I want to open a small local bakery in Italy. With early mornings, watching the sun rise along with my handmade bread. Where the 'regulars' aren't just my customers but my friends.

I want to open a pastry shop. With small bite size pieces of heaven that melt in your mouth and make the world seem like such a better place. The smell of chocolate and frosting and fresh berries lingering long after the taste has disappeared.

How will I ever choose? Will I ever achieve any of my food dreams?

I love it. Food. Happiness.

I realize it's past New Years

So I was sitting in church today.. after sacrament.. after everyone had left the chapel.. and I was reading this month's Ensign. And can I just tell you that those magazines are pretty much little personal revelations all tied up with a pretty little bow and delivered straight to your door.. because as I was reading I realized that each article was an answer to something that I had been praying for, even if I didn't realize that's what I'd been praying for.. does that make sense?

So I decided to make some middle of the year resolutions. To kind of 'turn over a new leaf' and recommit to some things.. and try to develop some new habits. So here it is.. the things I'm going to try and accomplish.. not just for this year but hopefully forever.

• Be cleaner - I need to keep my spaces clean and think.. what if Jesus were to walk into my room right now, would I be embarassed? Or what if I were to see the prophet today, would I be embarassed about how I looked or dressed, or the fact that I haven't showered in a week? I need to be cleaner.




• Filter my thoughts more - I need to focus on thinking positively about myself especially and others. Forward thinking results in forward actions.




• Be more frugal - granted I am already pretty frugal but that's mostly forced frugality because of my lack of income. But I do need to work on taking better care of my things so they last longer, and not making rash decisions when it comes to spending. Gordon B. Hinckley said "Fix it up, wear it out, make it do, or do without" A motto to live by.




• Become more cultured - there are plenty of rough, edgy, 'cool' girls out there that I don't really need to try to be one. I do realize that I'm naturally not any of those things but at times in my life I've kind of wanted to be that totally tough girl. I decided today that those things are not what I want to be anymore. I need to focus on becoming more refined, becoming more kind and gentle, educated and thoughtful. There aren't enough women out there like that, and that's what I want to be.




• Remember - the most important word in the dictionary according to my beloved seminary teacher Brother Saunders. It's easy to forget why I'm here, where my goals should be, and what I should be doing to reach those goals. But I'm going to recommit to remembering. Everything I have is given to me, the Lord doesn't owe me anything, I am loved, and there is always someone there for me that knows the bigger picture, I need to have more faith, hope, and charity. Remember more

So.. those are my middle of the year resolutions. One little step at a time hopefully someday I'll be able to accomplish all of these things and become a better person.

Things I only realized I was grateful for when i moved away from home

Okay.. so I'm currently jobless and as a result I've had lots and lots of extra thinking time. So I decided to make a list of all the things that I'm really thankful for that I didn't realize until after I'd moved away from home.. and here it is:

I'm grateful that:

My mom taught me how to really clean

My dad taught me the importance of good old fashioned hard work

I took the time to learn how to cook

My parents never forced me to eat my vegetables..or anything really

My mom made sure I had some social skills

I had my own room in high school

My mom and I argued a lot when I lived at home.. it's given us a really healthy respect for each other

and.. I'm really grateful that I wasn't completely spoiled growing up

Be Yourself by Audioslave

So I was thinking today... what does it mean to love yourself?

What does that feel like? Is it that feeling you get when you put on a new outfit and you're pretty darn sure you look way better than normal? Or is it recognizing that you have way too many quirks and faults and then realizing that you're okay with it? Maybe it's just not hating yourself..

Sometimes I feel like a tourist in my own mind, wandering around with my little fanny pack and sunglasses looking excitedly at everything and taking little snapshots of the most random thoughts and ideas that are bouncing around. Other times I feel like an 85 year old who's spent the last 50 years in the same libary.. knowing exactly where everything is and what's inside each little nook and cranny..

I've heard it countless times.. how can you love someone else when you don't love yourself? In a way it makes sense.. how can I feel comfortable with someone else when I don't even feel comfortable in my own body.. but then again it's so easy to love someone who's everything you don't think you are... right? I don't know.. I'm trying to love myself.. but I'm not exactly sure how because I'm not exactly sure how that feels.. I'm confident.. independent.. I don't really care what other people think about me(atleast not all the time).. I don't hate myself(atleast not all the time).

Maybe it's one of those things that you know it when it happens to you..

Check out Be Yourself by Audioslave...

"And even when you've paid enough, been pulled apart or been held up

With every single memory of the good or bad faces of luck

don't lose any sleep tonight

I'm sure everything will end up alright"

There is something about..

There's something about:

thunderstorms, that makes me feel like I'm on the edge of an adventure

rearranging the furniture, that makes me feel like I've moved into a new place

laughing, that makes me want to find everything funny

sweatpants, that makes me wish I was more athletic

crying, that makes me feel like an ant that should be digging a hole in the dirt

surfing the internet, that makes me feel slightly hopeless

seth cohen on the OC, that gives me faith in truly humorous men

riding a bike, that makes me feel simultaneously 8 years old and incredibly adult

job interviews, that make me feel like I'm in the real world

Best friends, that make me want to be a better person

reading a book, that takes me to another world that no matter the problems always seems better than the one I'm living in.

the wind rushing through the leaves, that makes me want to write poetry

turtles in an aquarium, that makes me young, innocent, and unrealistically happy about the small things.

raw music, that makes me feel part of everything

There's something about this life I'm living, so outrageously ordinary, yet in it's own way the life I've always wanted to live. It's everything I expected except harder. Moments ago so full of hope.. now just swimming upstream against a current that is so much stronger than I am. But everyone has to make the journey.. I guess I just have to get some upper body muscles to claw my way through. I never say what I mean. 

"They'll say our love brought down a kingdom"